Drakengard 3: The Weird Sitcom
by GreenSonic
Summary: Join Zero as she makes up a weird sitcom about her an her sisters, their disciples, and the dragons. My best friend made this fic initially, and so now I will finish it for her.
1. Episode 0

**This is my short story I'm doing. Yes, I'm still writing. However, persona infinity is going to be on hiatus so I can finish digimon warriors. Anyway, enjoy! This is going to be six chapters, maybe even more. Anyway, enjoy my mini novella. This may receive a continuation, if I feel like it, or am requested. By the way, this takes place after ending D.**

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**Zero: My Apology to Everyone, The Times I Could Have Had**

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Ugh, there is so much I have to say, I don't even know where to begin. Let me start with my sisters. I'm so sorry. So sorry I robbed you of your short sad lives. Not. I hate you. You were really annoying. If only you were my real sisters. Then this never would have had to happen. Each and every one of you bitches could have lived! But you had to be possessed by the flower, and go off saving the world! You caused me so much trouble you know!

And you two idiots! Oh you two! You're such disgraceful dragons! You weren't the strongest Micheal, but you could fight. And Mikhail! You were such a child! You're nothing like a dragon! And how dare you! How dare you two work my way into my heart, earn some affection and trust from me! Fuck you Micheal, for dying on me like that! Fuck you Mikhail, for being such a big dummy!  
So, as I sit, sealed off by the flower. I find myself thinking of them. Of everything.

Five, you are a spoiled bitch. You may have been the youngest, and you sure acted the part. But in a way, it wasn't so bad. You weren't insane like the others. Just really, really selfish. And I don't like selfish people. I can imagine myself punishing you for it. Oh, that's right, I did. I killed you. And your own disciple finished the job. Bet you must've hated that. You were so attached to that boy. And your boobs were huge! I don't have those! And you had so much because of your greed. I had nothing. I hate you Five, my beautiful sister.

Four, you hypocrite. So much could have been done for you. Inside, you the most normal girl out of your merry band. You weren't beautiful like Five, smart like Three, ind like Two, or a great leader like One. You were loyal to your sisters, whom you held so dear. Unfortunately, you had some serious false memories. And some serious trust issues. You had that terrible inferiority complex. Oh, did you catch my sarcasm? I hate you Four, my loyal sister.

Three, you inhumane psycho. You indeed are a strange case. Even without the flower, you have a mental disability. But you are so, so smart. Smarter than I could ever hope to be. And I hate that. I can never achieve what you have, my mind just isn't suited for it. Octa ignored your true needs. And you slipped away, into the depths of madness. Granted, you were nuts before. I hate you Three, my smart sister.

Two, you lovestruck fool. In every way, you had were perfect. Your kindness and generosity were just perfect. Cent had kept your mind stable. You were in deep love. Everything was peaceful and working out for you. And you were happy. ho kind you were, be all nice and sweet! It makes me sick! But the circumstances were against you. You were fragile, and your mind was broken. I hate you Two, my kind sister.

One, you cowardly princess. In a way, you were the most successful of my sisters. You accepted your death after finding out your true nature, which is why it was all the more satisfying to kill you. You lead my sisters so well, and it was so futile. You did all you could for them. And you are smart, kind, loyal, and beautiful. What you did in your lifetime, how short it was, was the goal you had set out for you. So, I hate you for doing what I could not. For doing everything you could. You are so perfect, and I hate you for it! But, I really can't. Despite who much I hate you, I can't scorn you. You seem like a chance. You had a good life, and I can't hate you, I love you One, my wonderful, perfect child.

Heh. This just came to my mind. What if you actually were my real sisters? That would be a weird scenario. One would be my sister. She seems more like she would be the stiff, rebellious daughter type to me. And we all raised One and her brother in our household? You all brought your disciples with you, and we all lived there. An Mikhail and Micheal, and Gabriella would be humans. Micheal would the father, and Gabriella and Mikhail would be my children too. Mikhail would be constantly getting into trouble, and his big sister Gabriella, who would be the middle child of our strange family. We could make a dumb sitcom about it. Heh heh heh heh HAHAHAHHAHA! That would be hilarious! And awesome. It would be so much fun! With all of you idiots. You know what? I have plenty of time, being all sealed here. I might actually make that. Or at least, let that play out in my head. Something to laugh at. So, um, this is my story I'm making! I'm bad with titles. Um, Drakengard 3: The Weird Version! Yeah, that'll have to do.

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**HA Ha Ha! I faked you all out, didn't I? You thought I was going to make some solemn and serious novella? Nope! I'm instead making a weird thing! The scenario Zero imagined also popped into my head, as I was writing this. I mean, what's a little comedy gonna hurt, right?**


	2. Episode 1: The Formula

**This story is narrated by Zero. And takes place in Zero's mind, 20 years after branch D. My best friend got ahold of my computer, went on my account, wrote this, and published the first chapter, so now I will finish it for her. Now I have to go look up this game. Okay, back from watching a LP of this game, and reading the novellas, and watching the dlc. That was a long time. So, I shall now write this for you! And yes, I actually will put Persona infinity on hold. I will try and do this as more of a side project.**

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Four was on the couch, clipping her nails. Mikhail came into the room. Let's see, how old will Mikhail be? Um, he sounds around 8, so that's will old he will be. Gabriella will be 10 and the twins will be 14. Five will be, 19, Four 20, Three 21, and so on. I'll be the oldest, at 30. Because I don't want this to be super creepy. Although I don't want to be an old lady.

"Auntie Four, do you want to play with me? I'm bored." He looked at his aunt, doing puppy dog eyes. It's cute. Mikhail, in his human form, had white hair. He has a strong build. He was a cute little shota boy. Short too, only 4"5.

"Okay Mikhail! What do you wanna play?" Four kindly said to the boy. She smiled at the young boy.

"We can play, um, well, I'm not really sure. Let's play tag! Maybe my sisters and Oniichan can play with us too!" Mikhail was excited to play a game. His older siblings always teased him. After all, Gabriella ran her mouth and was so snarky, she teased the immature boy. The twins were in deep, deep love. It creeps me out. This flower apparently transferred the memories of my sisters to me. So that's how I know all this stuff.

"Okay. I'll go ask them." Four told him. Mikhail's face was overcome with joy. He loved it when his sisters played with him! And Oniichan. Oniichan was the only one of his siblings that was kind to him. Gabriella was also mean to his brother.

"Can Mother play with us as well?" Mikhail loved his mother very much. An Mikhail was definitely attached to me. I mean, he it was always Zero this Zero that with him.

"She's busy right now." Four informed Mikhail.

"Awww. Well, can you get my siblings anyway."

So Four went into the Ones' room. The brother almost never came out of there. In there, One was reading to her brother. He always loved it when he was with his sister. He turned her head to look at him. He kept his hand on her face, his soft touch very pleasant to his sister.

"Oh, um, Four! What are you doing here?" Male One asked. Ugh, it's so annoying having to designate gender like this! You know what?Whenever normal it's normal One I'll just say One. And when it's her brother, I'll just go Brother One. There. That simplifies it.

"YOU TWO! GO PLAY WITH YOUR LITTLE BROTHER! YOU ******* *******!" Four yelled at them.

"Um, YES FOUR!" The twins ran downstairs. Because Four yelling is scary. Like me yelling. She next looked for Gabriella. Gabriella was in her room, practicing her throwing knives. Four opened the door.

"GABRIELLA! GET YOUR SORRY ASS DOWN THERE AND PLAY WITH YOUR BROTHER!" Four screamed at Gabriella, even louder than the twins. She really hated Gabriella. Gabriella's snark made Four want to punch her.

"Nope. I don't want to. Unless the game is 'punch your siblings,' no thanks." Gabriella threw a kinfe at Four. For dodged and Gabriella, as bratty as ever. You know, I actually kinda like you, even though I never met you.

"Okay, so, little brother, what do you want to play?" Brother One asked his little brother.

"Um, actually, I'd like you two to read me a story!" Mikhail requested.

"Okay then. Come with us." One took the boys up to her room. Four lied down on the couch.

"Ugh. Those kids are such a pain!" Four complained. And while she considered them a pain, she still complied with their bratty needs. Two came downstairs with Cent.

"Hey Four!" Four sighed. What is it that they wanted?

"What is it Two?" She asked her with extreme boredom.

"That was a greeting. Duh. I wasn't asking for anything." Two pouted a bit. Cent cracked a small smile.

"Then you should have just said hi or something." Four complained. She was nitpicking a greeting.

"Well, you ladies can just fight. I'll, uh, leave the room." Cent started to walk away.

"Wait. Let's not fight!" Two said.

"Yes, let's." Cent agreed with Lady Two.

"Who would have thought _Cent_ of all people would be the voice of reason?" Four commented.


	3. Episode 2: Zero Does Stuff

I come in the door. Yep, I have to be in the story somehow. Not just my sisters. That wouldn't make sense. I need something to do in my story

"Hey." I say.

"Hi Zero." Two says with that dumb grin on her face. I have a strange hatred of that grin, don't ask why.

"Hey Two. What's up?" I jsut go inside an sit down on the ouch next to Four, who is clipping her nails, again.

"Oh, not much." I tell her.

"Ah. Got it." She affirmed my statement. And who to join us but Three.

"Zero." She says in her quiet manner.

"Three." I reply. I'm mimicing her, great.

"You're gonna come here out here too Three?" Two asked, cocking her head to the side slightly. Well, we do need somrthing to do.

"Yes." She stated, in her annoying monotone. Now, don't get me wrong, three's voice really fits her, but that monotone. Ugh!

"Not to talkative today, huh three." Four commented.

"Well Three hasn't always been the most talkative." I tell Four. A true statement, if I do say so myself.

"Yeah, I suppose your right." OF COURSE I'M RIGHT FOUR! I'm the one telling the fucking story.

"Well, anyway, why are you here Three?" Cent asked her.

"No reason." She answered.

"So you come down here for absolutely no reason?" I ask.

"Pretty much." She answers.

"You're so hopeless Three." Four interjects. As rude as ever.

"Four, don't tease her like that." Two scowled Four.

"Fine." Four submitted to Two.

"Now, my lady, shall we go?" Cent offers Two. He probably wanted out of this fight between sisters.

"Yeah Cent, that sounds great." So Cent drags her off, and they leave.

"So, Three, what do you want to do?" It might be something interesting that she would offer.

"I'm not really sure." She tells me. Great.

"I've got nothing." Once again, Four interrupts us.

"Okay, um, let's go invade Gabriella's room!" I offer.

"Sounds good to me." Three agrees.

"Nah. I don't want to make Gabriella hate me even more."

"Alright then. Now let's go three." Thus, we bravely walk up to Gabriella's room and open the door.

"GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE FOUR! Oh, hi Mom!" She says. Guess she expected Four.

"Hi Gabriella." I say.

"Hello." Three says.

"So you had to bring her with you? Shame." Gabriella comments, rude as always.

"Yep. I did." I tell her.

She throws a knife at us.

"Get out of here Three!" Three left.

I step inside of her room and close the door.

"What's up with the knives?"

"It keeps people out of here." Gabriella explains to me.

"Ah, I see. So, what do you wanna talk about?" I ask her.

"I dunno." She replies.

"Okay. Then I'm leaving." I leave the room. And guess who's there but Dito. Dito, five's adoptive child. I can't imagine Five doing that. But Dito is her disciple. Maybe he could be Two's adopted son, that Five likes. Yeah, that makes some sense. I can imagine Two having kids. She always did enjoy children.

"Hey Z. 'Sup?" As per usual, Dito calls me that.

"Hi Dito. What is it?" I ask him.

"Nothing, just need help with some schoolwork." School. Something I neer went to.

"Um, go ask Three. Or Four. Or your Mom." I told him

"Fine. I'll go ask them." I shook the kid off of my back pretty well.


	4. Episode 3: The Camping Trip Part 1

Well I'm extremely bored. So, camping. Never went camping. Don't think any of sisters went camping either. So, I guess I'm just gonna do something about us camping. Why? Well, why not? I have plenty of time to fuck around.

"Please someone tell me why this was a good idea?" Dito whines.

"Stop whining." I tell him.

"Why are we leaving the house to go live in the woods for a week. It seems like a horrible idea to me."

"Shut up **right now**, or you'll end up bursting into flames." Michael tells him. When Michael tell you to do something, you do it. Unless you're me. Then you give him the orders. That's how it works in my mind.

"So, where exactly are we going?" One, ever the skeptic, asks.

"Land of Forests. We're camping." I say. The twins look at each other, shrug, and turn back.

"So, what exactly is camping?" One's clone asks me, staring with those cute, little, ugh, cute? You have to be kidding! He's not cute at all!

"It's where you leave behind all your shit and go sleep on the ground. For fun or some bullshit. Only Decadus would enjoy that." Dito explains, whiny as always. I can see like Five liked him so much. She's always been the type to like the ones that bite. Granted, his bite wasn't as strong on her as what it was with me, probably because of her influence on him, but he still was able to bite.

Now that I've gotten on the subject, might as well take it to the end. Excuse my tangent people, who are reading this, right now. Yeah, I know about you all. I might as well break the forth wall down right now, so I won't have to worry about that any more. Now that it's broken, let's go. One, you were always had that pride of yours. And your little sense of justice. You made a clone of yourself as your disciple. And by god, was he annoying. He asked too many questions for my liking. But you seemed to enjoy that. Personally, his utter admiration for you was actually kinda adorable. You ended up falling in love with him too. Kinda ironic you made him your brother huh? Incest is wrong. I think you know that. So, I guess your justice failed in the end. Still I can see why you liked him.

But you all don't want to hear about that, do you? You all didn't come here to here me rant about people. I mean, I've even lied about some of my opinions to satisfy you people. But that doesn't matter. Yet.

So our happy little family arrives at the campsite.

"So, are you gonna unpack or something?" I order them all to unpack while I point my sword at them, and sit there sipping a martini like the bitch I am.

"Are we your slaves or something?" Dito whines.

"Shut up and work, or I'll stab you."

"I think the answer is a yes." One #2 responds. After I made them do all the work for me, during that time I'd finished the martini. I took a nap.

"So, what now?" One asks. They all shrug.

"How about we set everything on fire? Then we can go home." Gabriella suggests.

"No. We'll all die if you do that." One facepalms.

"Or we can go kill things." Mikhail says.

"Sounds like a plan." Gabriella says.

And so the kids went to go kill things for no reason. Because logic.


End file.
